Thursday, January 21, 2010

'Tis the Season...

I noticed something a few weeks ago that's been on my mind a bit lately.

I went to the grocery store to get some last minute party stuff for New Year's Eve, and after fighting through the mass of other procrastinating fools, getting in line, realizing that I'd forgotten something else, getting out of line, going back to the scarily depleted dairy cooler, and finding my way back into a new, longer line I noticed something odd.

In a bright, cheery display, right in front of the check-out lanes, was Easter Candy.

Easter Candy.

On New Year's Eve.

I realize that Easter is a "floating" holiday, but I didn't think it could float to another year.

Usually, Valentine's Day (or as I call it, Black Sunday) candy is on the shelves first, because, let's face it, Valentine's Day comes before Easter.


At times like these, I remember my Weird Uncle Fred, who was never too busy to stop everything and say, "Go get me another beer."

Another thing that Weird Uncle Fred used to say was, "If the stores are gonna keep putting out holiday stuff whenever they want to, we should just have holidays whenever WE want to."

Seeing 2010's Easter candy out before the end of 2009 made me realize that Weird Uncle Fred was on to something.

I will no longer bow down to when corporate America says we should celebrate meaningful days. I am captain of my own destiny, and will celebrate things as I wish.

Christmas will now be held twice a year (I know the kids'll love this one), in July and December.

Speaking of July, the Fourth of July will now be held on March 13 (mostly I just like the idea of blowing stuff up on my birthday).

New Year's will be whenever I get tired of the current year.

National Talk Like A Pirate Day is also my best friend's daughter's birthday (Hi, Jayna!), so we'll just keep that on Sep. 19th, thank you very much.

Arbor Day will be...

Does anyone still do anything for Arbor Day?

Valentine's Day is cancelled.

I'm working on a list of all the other major and minor holidays and their new dates, but I'll have to finish it later. I'm a little busy just now.

It's almost January 25th, and I have to decorate for Halloween.

Thanks for reading my ranting,



  1. Oh Em Gee, that's hilarious. Go for it!

    I'd like to second Valentine's Day being canceled as well. It's only five days prior to our wedding anniversary, and always interferes with our plans, as in, everything is already booked like 6 months in advance. Sorry, we can't do that. We don't know if we're going to have money for anything until whatever the date is the Friday before when we get the most recent paycheck.

  2. Haha. You go, Brad. My husband just asked me today, while passing by a V-day display, "You'll probably want me to buy you flowers, huh?" Flowers are nice, but not my big thing. I responded, "I don't know. But I do want chocolate." "Of course you do, dear." :D

    Never have seen Easter stuff out that early. Though Jo-Ann's Fabric stores come close. I don't usually care when anything else comes in as long as the cinnamon pine cones have gone out. My poor sinuses.

  3. January 21st is now New Year 2011.

    (See, cause that's today, and I'm already tired of this year...nevermind.)

  4. I'm with you, Joe. If we work this right, it'll be Dec. 21 2012 before you know it, and we'll be done.

  5. Jayna appreciates you leaving TLaP Day where it belongs. Also agrees with you that they're getting crazy with how early they roll the next Holiday's stuff out.

    Now, in your stores defense, if you hadn't been engaged in last minute shopping you wouldn't have seen the early Holiday stuff. If you had shopped at a more sensible time you wouldn't have been in the store again until the next (this) year and the whole thing wouldn't have seemed so disconcerting. Granted you wouldn't have had fodder for an amusing post, but I digress.

    Anyway, all I'm really trying to say is that I blame you. Also, I'm pretty much tired of this year already too. I was wondering at first why you were skipping us past 2011 and straight to 2012, then I realized it was the whole Maya Apacolypse thing. I thought you were trying to skip 2011 just so you could avoid the whole Four Oh thing.

  6. Rob, why would I skip Four Oh and go straight into Four One? And yes, I blame myself as well.
    For everything.

    This is why I weep so much.;)

  7. You neglected a great many holidays. If you move one, does that move them all?? Will that make the dreary stretch from MLK day to Easter (ie Spring Break)any better or will it make it worse? How does the Leslie Revised Standard Calendar take into account holidays which are celebrated according to phases of the moon (ie Easter)? If you mess with the moon, won't that mess with the tides? Won't that cause widespread mayhem? You are about to get on Al Gore's bad side. All because of Easter candy in December...

  8. Then Al Gore should've done more to make sure we didn't see Easter candy in December.
    That truly is an inconvenient truth...

  9. Al Gore and I have another thing now to blame you for...Apparently reading blogs is like eating chips - no one can read just one. My mind is on overload. I hold you responsible.

  10. Brad, I don't blame you for everything. Obviously that would be too much to heap on any one person. Just most stuff. Especially being out shopping for New Years Eve supplies ON New Years Eve. Totally your own fault.

    Also, I don't really think you want to skip the 40 thing but I was just trying to work in some kind of a reminder that 40 is coming your way. You know, cause that's what I do...

  11. Oh, believe me, Rob, I remember it's coming. Not likely to forget that one.

  12. Love it! Holidays are just created to give humans something to look forward to or celebrate, so why not throw out the religous/patriotic pretense and just make up our own? :-)

  13. Kim, I think the schools already do this. I got out for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and now it seems like Hunter is out every other week for, like, "Bob Day" or somesuch.

  14. I haven't seen "Bob Day" yet, but I have noticed a couple of "Non-work days" and the like. What's up with that? Also, I remember going to school on election days and just not getting to go to the gym those days.

    And Oaks Day? Come on, they dont' even have cards for that one (yet) and they get off?

  15. Rob, we live in Louisville. Oaks Day is a religious holiday.
    The only reason Derby isn't a holiday is because it's already on a Saturday.

  16. There are 2 explanations for oaks day as a holiday: 1) traffic would be a mess with the addition pf buses and 2) too many teachers took the day off causing a sub shortage. I'm inclined to believe the latter. As for election day, it's a security thing-schools are polling places and its not safe to mix kids and random strangers. As a teacher, I believe we should be off if the post office is closed and/or all minor holidays.

  17. Not trying to begrudge teachers the days off, but it really plays havoc with those of us without alternative child care already established. When you've got your work schedule completely built around the getting to and picking up from school events a random day off can really play higgledy-piggledy with your day.

    I understand the security/voting thing, but it never stopped us from going to school on those days. They just didn't let the adults leave the voting place. At least in my schools they always did the voting in the gym which also had an external door. Volunteer parents at the front doors to guide voters to the gym doors, and parents keeping voters from going through the inner doors and we never had any issues.