Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Mars Needs Bread!

I went to make a sandwich for myself the other day.

Nothing unusual about this; I make and enjoy sandwiches frequently.

This time, things were a little different.

I rolled back the cover of my breadbox, expecting to find a fresh, unopened bag of tasty bread, ready for whatever ingredients I saw fit to deposit on it.

Instead, what I found was an empty bread sack, crumpled up next to every single slice of bread from the loaf, crammed into the breadbox and twisted almost beyond recognition.




When strange and unusual things happen here, the first thing I usually say is "Blake", and this was no exception.

"Blake," I said. "What happened to the bread?"

"Oh," he replied in a very matter-of-fact tone. "When I took my flying saucer out of the breadbox, it tried to take the bread, and it all fell out."


Of course it did.

I admit, I had not yet thought of this possibility.

Apparently, the little plastic Martians that fly around my house in their little plastic flying saucer (which used to be mine, by the way; my kids got most of my coolest old toys) could not find a field of wheat in which to make crop circles and decided to attempt the same feat with wheat bread, but managing only a stale, hardened construction that I call "breadhenge".

I would have called on the vacuum cleaner that is my dog to take care of the mess (I don't believe in the five-second-rule; if food touches the ground, it's forfeit), but Blake felt it more prudent to at least put the bread back in the bread box.

Despite the fact that I never got my sandwich (darn Martians) and had to throw away a full loaf of bread, I remain impressed that Blake actually cleaned up after himself.

This shows, in a roundabout way, that he actually does sometimes listen to me.

I consider this progress.

I now have more bread, but I don't think I'll make a sandwich right now. I'm afraid I'll find that Venusians have abducted my peanut butter.

Thanks for reading my ranting,



  1. Ahahaha! Your boys just sound too cute! I love it! Martians in the breadbox. :D

  2. It's funny, but we've started blaming Blake for any weird and unusual things that happen around our house too.

    It started a few months back after you all had been over for a cookout. About 4 days after the cookout I was getting something out of the closet beside the entertainment center and something caught my eye. I happened to glance at the removable leaf from our kitchen table which is stored behind the e-center (not really sure how it ended up there, but that's irrelevant) and saw what appeared to be a hideous multi-colored spot of mold or something equally disturbing.

    When I started examining it I noticed that it was hard and lumpy and that it had allowed a long colored drip trail to ooze down the length of the table leaf. A little more prodding revealed that it wasn't a deadly mold spore but was actually a dried up mouthful of Nerds Candy, or something very similar, which had been placed on the leaf once the original owner of said candy was done with it. I thought about the situation for a while and finally remembered that Blake was pulling board games out of that closet during the cookout. I'm not sure exactly what candy it was, and obviously I can't be 100% sure it was Blake. But, chances are pretty good, wouldn't you agree?

    That was also the cookout where he decided he was done with his corn and deposited the uneaten portion, along with the cob, in a box in the garage. Just mentioned that part as a frame of reference that we didn't just jump immediately to Blake when I found the growth, there was a bit of context to my suspicions.

    As such, whenever Holly or I find something drastically out of place now we think about it for a couple seconds and call out fearfully for Blake. He's never answered yet, but you never know...

  3. Bwahahahahaha! You've certainly got an imaginative kid there.

  4. I sence a book idea here. If there can be Indians in the cupboard, why not Martians in the breadbox. Someday I'll share with you how my boys tried to free the trapped dinosaurs in our refrigerator.